I just left Vegas after a three-day bender with my best friend and am glad I can share this situation with someone. The night was going reasonably well with the usual Strip walk as the sun is setting. This has become almost like a tradition for me as I like the strip right before all the stupid Disney characters and homeless guitar players come out in force. Having only a few adult beverages up until this point I again stayed with my tradition of buying an over-price frozen drink and planting myself right in front of the Bellagio Fountain about eight minutes before the show starts. My buddy obliged me in this dumb tradition and then we made our way to the roller coaster at NY-NY.

Post roller coaster and ten dollars lighter (kind of worth it to do once), we were looking for a place to get properly liquored up. The sounds of St Patrick’s Day were echoing from the corner of the Casino which raised our attention. The smell of hot dogs loomed in the air as we approached and we then saw what looked to be a rowdy Irish Drinking bar complete with Live music and chaos. We were in!

After what must have been three hours of drinking crazy amounts of dark beer we were staggering around figuring out our next move. I decided that going downtown to mingle in the smaller properties would be our best bet. Next stop was the Uber line at the hotel.  We were met with two separate lines of people measuring into the hundreds as my fumbling buddy tried to figure out how to get a quick ride through this app (and he was failing at this task). I decided to wait in the regular taxi line in case it would move quicker than I thought which was clearly not the case. Defeated and hammered drunk my friend grabbed me and told me to follow him.

Further down the Atrium was a cheap looking black Limo with dark tints and a dent in the passenger side door. Before I knew it, my friend pulled on the back-door handle and it opened! I’m now in the back of a Limo that I clearly can’t afford. The driver with a raised tone says something to the effect of who are you guys and my buddy chimed up “I’m Dave, they know we are here waiting for them”. The driver literally said “Okay, they should only be a few more minutes”.  Who was “They”? And how the hell is this all happening? Vegas Baby.

Three minutes later a full our Kiss Cover Band complete with female companions and entourage come flying into the car. “Who the fuck are you guys?” was the first thing said. While I started, my apology confused routine my buddy told them we couldn’t get a car to take us downtown so we decided to jump in theirs. This honesty brought about a fit of laughter from at least six of these fraud rockers and one of them in a British accent then said “Cool you’re with us now, mate”.  As the car made a left turn onto the Vegas Strip we were watching as an over the hill Gene Simmons starts taking bumps of coke off of some girl’s metal clutch purse.

We did eventually get downtown…..We ended up outside of what looked to be a swinger sex club called the green door or something which is where my buddy and I parted ways with the rockers. Im sure that going into that club with the fake members of kiss and their 80s-hair sprayed entourage would have made a more epic ending to this story, but I think the fact that we got the limo ride was pretty fucking cool.

This might not be the longest or most interesting story compared to some of the ones that I've read on here, but this Las Vegas trip was a wake up call for me. We left California and drove to Vegas on a whim for what was supposed to me one night of craziness. Once we arrived the biggest decision point after a few hours at the pool was where we were going to eat before we were going out to the clubs that night. 

The decision by one of my female friends to go to a Mexican type place where she knows "COCO" likes to hang out was one of the worst decisions ever. We ate a ton of overpriced food and went out to the club later that night after a few hours of gambling. 

Fast forward to what must have been about 3am (ish?) and I guess I did pretty well in the club because I found myself headed up on an elevator with a blonde chick from the club.  

Without dragging out a story there were a few major things that happened next.....One, I must have excused myself mid-fun to the bathroom and had what is the equivalent to a chocolate multan explosion in this poor girls toilet. That isn't the shocking part of the story. The crazy thing is that I DID get lucky that night as I awoke with no clothing on with the desert sun peering through the curtains a mere 2 hours later. The bathroom looked like a crime scene, and I saw that the hot blonde I took back to the room was about 8-10 years older than she seemed in the elevator. 

Awww shit (literally)


The faint sound of voices echoing through my semi-conscious head as I try to make them out. I’m guessing the sound of the sirens and the flashing lights might have something to do with it. And then there is the possibility that I am shit faced drunk that could be a factor. Yes, there I was in the back of an ambulance headed from a Vegas Strip Hotel.

The day started out harmless enough. I had more than my fare of drinks the night before and was already feeling like total shit when my girlfriend (now ex) decided on the buffet at the Luxor. Its day two and already I am falling into the Las Vegas abyss. The red-haired waitress in her mid-thirties came to take our drink order and then made the simple suggestion that we try the unlimited mimosa or bloody Mary option while we gorge ourselves in greasy bacon and runny eggs. There couldn’t be a better suggestion on earth for the way I was feeling that day.

After about six drinks and way too many calories we went up the inclinator to our room and got ready for another day in Sin City. The one thing that I never did in my many trips was to take the monorail and we took the opportunity to buy large glasses of frozen booze and make our way down the strip to the different hotels. The last stop of SLS was where I then realized I was already shit housed.

After walking around, a while we heard the thumping of club music coming from the direction of palm trees and big glass windows. It was there that we saw it was a day time pool party full of millennials having a good time. Being in our early 30s my girlfriend said that it would be fun to take part. A short trip to the boutique and $150 later we had bathing suits and were on our way to re-invent the youthful experiences of years past.

After another two drinks (now big cans of Coors light), we were in the pool dancing and meeting people all around us. This group of kids I’m guessing from the mid-west invited us to hang at their cabana and continue the party. Upon arrival, it seems that someone in this group had money because they somehow had bottle service. There is nothing like straight vodka and a splash of watered down cranberry juice in the 100-degree heat.

The minutes turned into hours and the hours turned into more hours in the blaring heat. The last thing I remember was trying to get up from a boiling chase lounger and then it all goes black. Now there I was….in the ambulance headed to a Vegas Medical Facility. The question of the hour once I got some sort of understanding of where I was seemed to be…. Where the hell is my girlfriend? (Now Ex for a variety of reasons beyond this story)


Three hours have gone by since my friends have all went to bed and there I am in the middle of a Las Vegas Casino at 5 in the morning all alone, looking for something to do. It was now the third morning in Las Vegas and the previous night nobody partied very hard at all. Listening to his girlfriend, by buddy decided that it would be best to go upstairs early for the night and to be fresh in the morning for breakfast and pool lounging. This logic seems lost on me even now as I ponder what to do with my solitude derived freedom.

My first move was to make my way to an environment where there was at least a few living souls up now of the day and I naturally went to the center bar of the hotel. I sat down and then put a twenty in the Video Poker Machine (a move that I mostly do for the free drinks) and then a perky brunette bombshell asked me what I wanted to drink. For whatever reason, instead of ordering a cocktail at 5AM the mix of the new day and beautiful woman asking me had me answering strangely. “is it possible to get a coffee?” I asked her, and she smiled and soon I was caffeinating trying to plan my next solo Vegas move.

Sober and hyped up I felt that walking the strip for the 400th time would not be the fun I was looking for and that maybe it was time to get out of the city for a bit. I walked up to the front desk to find the rental car section empty. The sign said that although the desk was closed, to call this number and a car can be arranged 24hours a day. A brief conversation and transfer of debit card information and there was a car being delivered to me at the hotel Valet in 30 mins.

There I was under a brightly lit Las Vegas Marquee in a new SUV with the world set out before me. The car linked directly to my phone and then it was time to choose a soundtrack. “The Rat Pack, Live at the Sands Hotel” was the first thing that came to mind and then with the roar of 1960s crowd noise I threw the car into drive, and turned out of the Valet Area. Cruising the Strip towards the Desert with the sun peering up over the horizon I was a new man.

I drove as fast as I could west without knowing where I was headed and stopped at some dive looking half hotel slot parlor (forgot the name) just to look up in my phone where I should eat a breakfast. As it turns out there is no descent buffet resorts between Vegas and California on a weekday. I raced the last 20 mins to a place called Primm (again a dive looking stop off), and realized this morning was all about the drive.

I sped back towards the Vegas strip at top speed and kept driving down the strip until I passed the wedding chapels and pawn shops. After free parking by the Golden Nugget I found myself a place to get a good egg sandwich. There I was sitting on a bench among the homeless looking at the vast canopy of downtown. Wondering how I would end up in this spot was of no consequence. Sometimes it’s all about the drive is all I figured.

Hey Vegas Adventure, I wanted to include a short story about a recent trip I had with my friend. After the last trip to Las Vegas I had I mad a small list of the things that I still did not get to do (mostly because I was drunk or lazy). On this list was the Infamous giant Ferris wheel known as the High Roller. Even though we told ourselves that we would stay more sober to enjoy activities, this did not happen as usual.

Our morning started out almost normal with us up with the sunrise (a travel tradition), in our hotel room suite at the Paris Hotel. We were upgraded to a huge multi room living space with a separate living room complete with couches a wet bar kitchen etc. Still being half drunk from the night before I stumble to the Keurig machine and make myself a cup a black coffee. Standing in a hotel room robe I stood stepping over my friends on the floor to get to the window to see the Bellagio Fountains. There is nothing better than standing at this window with the sunrise and drinking a cup of coffee with the view I had.

After some rumbling I realize the girl that my friend “met” last night awoke and walked into the living room area. “Is there coffee?” was all she asked and when I turned to tell her where the k-cups are, I saw her standing there completely naked. Interesting start to a Vegas Adventure I guess. A hiss of a Keurig and a short time later now with a robe on I sad at our 8 person table in front of this giant window talking to a curly haired blonde girl from Washington State.

Conversation was funny and interesting and before long my buddy awoke and so did my girlfriend (now Ex) leaving the four of us awake before 8AM and trying to figure out what to do. The High Roller was on my short list and the decision was made….Breakfast and then Ferris Wheel it shall be.

Our breakfast was a wonderful buffet where it seems that because we were the early birds that day we got in with ease. The price was cheap (player rewards) and we elected to start drinking bloody maries and mimosas which were unlimited because of our reward status. The meal lasted over an hour and we were already tipsy. The walk to the Linq hotel was a fun strip singing extravaganza with our group of four already feeling no pain. Once in the promenade area of the linq the decision was made to continue to booze before we hit the Ferris pod.

To make a long story short I will just say that another hour of gambling and drinking way too much made it then time to make our way to the High Roller. I was slowly sipping beers and my best friend seemed to be drinking Jim Beam straight (not a great choice I guess). We enter the futuristic pod and the four of us had one all to ourselves which was amazing. As the doors closed and the announcements were coming over the speaker and promotional video started I saw my buddy start changing colors.

Fast forward 15 minutes later and as we were ascending to where we were about to peek up higher than the hotel rooftops and that is when it happened. My friend was leaning up right where the glass of the pod and the metal meet up. He first coyly tried to slowly spew without making too big of a scene. After we all see this the laughter began. Once he felt that embarrassment wouldn’t be something he could now avoid, round two was one of the most vile and funny moments of my years of visiting Las Vegas. Imagine four people right before noon trapped in a smelly pod with some of the window covered in puke? As he lay on the floor eyes closed and all of us pressed to the other side of the window the laughter and jokes were that of epic proportions. Yes there was pictures (he won’t lent me share) , and video (my evil ex must have). All I have of this story is the memory of my buddy throwing up…. not to mention the memory of his naked girlfriend making morning coffee. I love Las Vegas!

We just got back from a short 2-day trip from California to Las Vegas where we were planning on doing a 48 hour stay-up bender. Even though there was a chill in the air we decided to put the top down on my best friend’s cherry red Mustang Convertible and put the heat on to even out the breeze. The trip started perfect with a short 3-4-hour car ride until our Sin City Adventure.

On our way, there we needed to stop for gas and knew there was a good spot for food and gas about an hour out of Vegas in Primm. We grabbed some Red Bulls and snacks and me being a gentleman, decided to pay for the gas to fill up my friend’s car. Looking up we saw right across the street “Buffalo Bills” hotel and Casino glittering in the Desert sun with its old but very cool looking roller coaster in operation. It was then that I turned to my buddy and said “we must take a ride on that coaster to continue our journey”. He easily agreed and we made our way across the street to the semi-empty parking lot to go on this coaster.

There was absolutely zero line while waiting for the roller coaster and we were two of the 5 people that were loaded up and starting the accent to the heavens on this yellow track of majesty. The initial drop was more than I anticipated and the ride was longer than we expected, ending with us both clapping and laughing as it came to an abrupt halt. Completely worth the price of admission.

When exiting the ride, we made our way through the mock western town and did some quick window shopping in the souvenir shops filled with rubber snakes and electric barking puppy toys to emerge on the casino floor once again. Being full of energy from the ride I thought it would be a good Idea to sit and have a few beers with some Video Poker in this almost empty resort in the desert.

Sparing the details I would like to say that about 4-6 hours later I woke up next to what appeared to be a 35 year old red headed exiled Vegas Stripper/Call Girl in a 43 dollar a night Buffallo Bills Hotel room. I remembered picking this chick up at the empty bar and after A LOT of afternoon drinks found that her bleach blonde friend and her were just as interested in having afternoon fun (without charging us). I guess they weren’t hookers after all!

I snuck out of the hotel room about 5PM after getting in touch with my friend (down at the food court and didn’t score). Luckily he was sober enough to drive and we cranked the tunes and away we went once again one hour from the Vegas Fun that awaited us. To be honest, I love random Vegas Stories where you don’t plan anything and you wake up next to a redhead in the desert!

This story won’t take long because I still only remember a portion of my night. After a buffet Dinner at Mirage which included unlimited booze my friends and I were already pre-sauced. I remembered making everyone stagger over to Excalibur after we went downtown to walk amongst the crazy people in the street. I guess whatever frozen concoctions that we engulfed while down there didn’t take effect until we reached the castle.

There is always a great vibe on the gambling floor at Excalibur. I was wasted and playing roulette (although poorly because I woke up with no money) and the last thing I remember was going to the lounge area of the casino floor. I know there is a bathroom next to it because I slightly remember falling off a bar stool at some point to get to it. And then TOTAL BLACKOUT.

The following morning, I woke up in our hotel room about 930AM alone not knowing where my buddies were. Snuggled up next to me is what appeared to be a 3-foot-tall fake Christmas tree decoration complete with shiny gold tinsel wrapped around it. Where did this, tree come from? How did it end up in my bed? Am I currently wanted by Las Vegas Metro?

All these questions went unanswered as my friends won’t tell me (or don’t remember) anything. The next day and a half I kept an eye out for faux trees that resembled the snuggle bed tree buddy of mine. With no luck, I was left with a foggy memory and a morning filled with Christmas Confusion.


So there I was with a buddy of mine not even knowing that Las Vegas had beer gardens. We found this one that was actually sponsored by Budweiser and being hefty beer addicts we realized that we couldn't go wrong….so we thought.

Hour one of beer garden drinking couldn't have been any better. The beers were delicious, the view of the Strip was Perfect, and the people watching was great both in and out of the venue. I wasn’t even keeping track of the number of beers we were drinking because many came in the form of pitcher and tower looking devices that were destroying our sobriety by the glass full.

Right about hour two and change, my buddy and I were both feeling no pain with whatever exotic kegged happy juice was just poured down our gullets. It was when I left to go to the bathroom that I realized just how intox I really was, and maybe it would be time to mosey on down the strip pretty soon when it happened.

Apparently I missed the initial exchange, but there was my buddy in a verbal dispute over a balcony with what looked to be a 2 foot tall man in some sort of costume. Leprechaun maybe? I wasn't too sure how it started but it sounded as though my friends was calling him a “wee little man” in what sounds like a terrible Irish accent.

To make a long story short I will fast forward 12 minutes as I realized it was now time for us to pay our bill and get out of dodge. As we sat there waiting for our card to be taken the little guy that my friend was yelling at came over to the table yelling obscenities. When we stood up to get our bearing in the situation I said out loud “oh yea he is a leprechaun” at which time the little guy winds up and kicks both my buddy and I as hard as he could in the shins (mine was more of a knee kick). 

Imagine looking up from one knee in horrible pain to the sight of the lucky charms guy pissed off and yelling curses at you? Yea, well that made for my favorite drunk Vegas afternoon I can remember in recent memory. Curse me lucky charms that fucker kicked us!

This is kind of a quick story, but one that I must tell. My buddy and I were on a 2 day bender after driving in from California and were handling ourselves as Vegas regulars should. After dousing ourselves in gambling loss booze we decide that it may benefit us to walk outdoors and see the strip. All this was supposed to do is stop us from losing money for at least an hour.

As we walked it was becoming more apparent that this decision was a good one and I told him that I wanted to make my way to “the park” thing in front of the new arena. It must have been a few minutes after this decision was made that we hear this very loud popping sound coming from a pedestrian bridge. At first I was thinking car backfire or something big even falling from a balcony of a hotel. It was with the site of people now running in all directions that I then utter the words “dude I thing those are gunshots”

And gunshots they were…..from the response we saw at the bridge it seems as though there was a Vegas style hit that went down before our very eyes (actually at a distance but still). We now have an epic Vegas story, and more important we have a reason to not go outside as much when we visit. Stay Classy Las Vegas!


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