Picturephoto from vitalvegas.com
So I just got into my hotel from the Bugsy bar at the Flamingo. I stopped gambling majorly and now place my focus on drinking while playing a little bit of Video Poker. To my surprise this trip there was that new light system placed behind the machine to monitor the “Comp” system. I decided that I will test out this system to get the most bang for my buck.

As drink #1 arrived I then used this opportunity to introduce myself to the good looking female bartender and ensure that a five dollar bill was given as a tip for this first drink. I stayed personal and talkative all while letting my machine sit there and a red light go on. As pint one was complete I then played max bet for a total of 6 hands winning a few three of a kinds to put me where I started and there went the green light on, score!

After the conversation with my beautiful barmaid continued she conveniently drops in that she has a boyfriend and 2 kids so getting her to go out with me was out the window. I still stayed in conversation with her in the off chance that it may benefit me. After drink two I did the same thing as the first but this time quickly played about 10 hands winning a little putting me at about $12.50 left in the machine.

The light went on and then my bartender friend brought me my next drink and WITH a pint glass full of clear liquid. “Here is the water you asked for” was all she said, and to my delight it was what I guess is a flavored berry Vodka and soda pint! While getting sloshed I then played max bet for the duration yielding me $15 bucks or so.

Another five dollar tip later and I cash out with three pints and a HUGE vodka drink for the ten bucks in tip I left this sweetheart. The light system can work if you do it the right way!!

I know this may not be the most crazy story, but on a recent visit I had an unusual run of good luck. It all started at McCarran airport while de-planing. My hefty drunk friend had to use the bathroom as soon as he exited the plane and I took it upon myself to put a 20 dollar bill into a Triple Diamond slot machine. Two pull in and I hear the bell started ringing and it didn't stop. An attendant was right near our slot bank and was all too happy to grab by voucher for $1,236 and take me to get my money. Worth the wait and off we went.

During our day time strip walk we were walking from Paris to Ballys when we came face to face with one of those huge stupid looking slot machines that take big silver dollars. After actually winning in an airport I decided my luck may carry to another long shot. After inserting 6 of the ten silver dollars I was then hearing the tones of the credits going up. Cashing out with $646 I felt that I was on a magic luck journey.

Afraid to lose I gambled very little losing 20 dollars here and there and felt it necessary to make some dumb bets with the free money I had before we left our 3 day trip. I decided to place 20 bucks on my lucky number on roulette and then put another 20 on all four corners of the number. The odds are terrible and I felt like that hundred bucks was wasted. My number hit….My freaking number hit and I almost fainted.

In three days I won thousands on gambling on what would be the most epic story I will ever have in a casino. Im sure this isn’t the most interesting story on your website, but I feel excited to share it because it feels almost impossible!

Buzzed and walking on a Wednesday night I wandered into the Hooters Hotel and Casino because I felt “why not”. The bar/restaurant was closed (which makes no sense because the building is titled Hooters) and we were marching back towards the entrance to get the hell outta there.

It was hallfway through the casino that a very friendly hotel worker grabbed my attention by asking us if we were looking for anything. She was in a less slutty hooters polo shirt with sparkling eyes and flowing blonde hair so I decided not to be a sarcastic asshole as I normally would in this situation. I politely commented on how stupid it was for a main Hooters restaurant to ever close in a hotel called Hooters. Her eyes widened and what happened next shocked me.

I was asked to come to a side office off the casino to not only put that opinion on paper, but also answer some other questions on what I felt about the property. Because of the appearance of this chicken wing hotel barbie doll I was in some sort of drunken trance spending time to help her in her hotel research duties.

After 30 mins of chatter and me thinking I was witty and funny and it was all over. As I was getting up to leave she gives me her card and says “if there is anything else you can think to include please call me”. I sprung off a cheesy line about how I would like to call her anyways to talk about anything but this dreaded hotel.,,,,,,,,,,,,(fast forward 12 hours)

Im in some sort of condominium complex at 8AM next to the chicken wing barbie of my dreams. I remember drinks at the lounge on top of the Stratosphere, and getting convinced to party on Fremont Street. I blacked out around 4am from what I gather.  I called a cab to get back to my hotel to share the story with my friends who dont believe a word of it to this day…..I heart Hooter Barbie.

I came to my senses in the back of a police car parked outside of a cold looking cement building. I was in a blackout drunken haze, but its now that the reality sets in that I have been arrested. Without going into detail about what I was charged with (until a final deposition is made), I would just like to say that the officers couldn't have been nicer to me.

I was searched. I was marched in front of a counter when a slightly attractive woman in a sheriff uniform asks me to remove all jewelry and place it on the counter. It was at this moment that everything clicks into reality…..Im in the place where they film the show “Jail”.

Im pretty sure that it was seeing past episodes that made me behave extra nice and not want to end up in a secluded cell strapped to that chair thingie with a spit mask on. I could go on and on about the interesting conversations I had with some of the other arrestees in the waiting area, but thats a whole other story. Bottom line is, I drank too much. I made some bad decisions. I ended up right where the show jail gets filmed. I think thats a cool enough Vegas story, no? 

I woke up in my less than expensive Vegas hotel room at about 930 in the morning when panic set in. All I can remember was gong from Fremont street in a cab to another location. Where that was I was kinda hazy about until I checked my phone camera. Apparently I had the itch to ride a mechanical bull and went to the PBR bar at Treasure Island. I wasn’t quite sure at that time, but I was guessing that was the reason why my neck felt like an elephant stampeded on it.

Making this long story shorter……Later that morning I was eating a greasy breakfast sandwich when my initial hangover set in. I have no recollection of riding a mechanical bull, I have a hangover that might kill me, and my neck hurts. What a great morning. I decided that I would have a cocktail or 4 to get me back to Vegas Par. 

While sitting there I was nursing draft beer number 2 when the most beautiful brunette taps me on the shoulder and says “uh how you feeling today brian?” It was then that I questioned pretty much everything in my entire life up to this point. I sweetly told this goddess in a cocktail dress that I really have no idea how she knows my name.

I was clued in to the fact that…..Yes, I rode a mechanical bull (from what I told her). Yes, I ended up back at my hotel by the grace of god. And most importantly Yes, I was apparently tackled by hotel security and had a fat security guard put his knee on my neck. That solved that mystery.

Basically from what she observed I was standing up on the stools at a roulette table after hitting a few numbers and was asked to leave. She spotted me from the hotel center bar where she was (ahem) working.  After cashing out I apparently shoved a yellow shirted security guard and said something about him being a rent a cop. A shoving match must have ensued where I then thought it wise to flee the situation through a casino….Amazing I got caught.

This goddess hooker apparently saw it all happen, ran to where I was tackled, convinced the security guards that she was my fiancee and that she would get me to bed. She didn’t rob me, she didn’t even come up to my room. She just saved me. This my friends is what makes me a true believer in  Las Vegas!!!!  VIVA

When planning my last trip to Las Vegas I only had one prerequisite when deciding on a hotel, It had to be cheap. After scrolling through about 5 travel sites I decided that staying at Luxor would be great for the price and location. I remember staying there when I was about 6 years old with my family and had fond memories of riding up and down the Inclinator up an down and feeling like I was in a foreign land. What I walked into was clearly not the same building that I remembered in the past.

Upon arriving I was met with a friendly front desk clerk who was all too happy to help me get me checked in. I attempted to get an upgrade in the usual manor and was advised by the nice lady that I would have to pay extra to get my upgrade. Twenty Eight extra dollars a night and I was in business. This room should be what makes this trip very memorable…..SHOULD being the key word.

I entered the room that was in the independent tower and thought that this somehow would make this room more luxury, disappointment is all that follows. The room was nothing but a slightly bigger outdated room with a wet bar. All this means is there was a chipped formica counter top with an over mount sink and a mini fridge that wasn’t even cold enough to freeze the upper compartment. I immediately called the front desk and was told that there were no other upgrade rooms available and they would waive the upgrade fee and the resort fee. So Im in a slightly nicer motel 6.

My wife and I decided to co down to the casino and scout the floor. We came across a casino bar with descent video poker pay tables so we decided to play. After 2 minutes the bartender came over and offered us a drink and we ordered Manhattans and Martinis for our first $20 of play. Well the great news is the bartenders loved us and stopped looking at our play and continued feeding us drinks until we were staggering away.

The rest of the casino was small, but busy. We noticed we kept getting turned around and confused on which direction we were going. All  and all we would have to say that the gambling was less than great, the rooms were horrible and in need of improvement, and the staff was more than happy to make up for the properties shortcoming with as much booze as you can handle.

Mission success, a strip hotel for very cheap in a good location. That is only because it is near a bunch of other places on the south strip. 

We came across this really cool video to share! The editing was awesome and really gives a feel for what it is like to walk down the Las Vegas Strip!
Its early afternoon on a 110 degree Vegas day and we decided to venture out of the usual Vegas routine. After playing endless hours practicing my gambling on my phone I saved up enough points to get some free vegas offers. The offer we chose was two free passes onto the Monorail. I’ve never been on it, so I why the hell not.

After two minutes on this thing we then realize that the only view that one can get from the vantage point of the train car is the rear of a bunch of hotels…not very exciting at all. After a 15 minute rocky ride on this train we were told by the automatic conductor that we have reached the end of the line. We arrived at SLS which we found to be swanky and empty. We weren't in the mood for another “Cosmo” type stroll through a hotel, and then I made a decision that put us on an epic journey, to the outside of North Las Vegas we go!

We stroll outta the casino doors and I randomly chose a direction to travel in to take in the parts of Las Vegas that we don't get to see from the strip. On the corner is a Tattoo Parlor and a 7-11 convenience store which makes me feel even more comfortable for a walk around this area. After block 3 the entire vibe switched from Vegas to zombie land.

Outside a bunch of orange stucco trailer sized homes sits two people in cracked plastic lawn chairs. From the look of them they are in need of some help on hygiene. Both wearing wife beater style T-shirts and smoking what look to be Newport 100’s. The empty sand lot across the street is littered with everything from old tires to an old baby carriage laying on its side. For whatever its worth I just hope whoever the poor kid who was in it last has been moved to a nicer place to grow up.

We walked half a block more and after hearing Metro Police Sirens in a close vicinity we decided we’ve had enough. It was we turned around that one of the two scary zombie looking men yells at us “you guys lost or something?” I had nothing more to say but simply “No” as we then made a very brisk walk in the other direction. We didn’t see the second guy anymore and were starting to get concerned he was lurking around the area. Only a few short blocks away from the 7-11 for some safety.  I guess the thinking was that in the very least they must have a security camera inside.

We walk in and I decided that it would be a good idea to buy something so we don't look like lunatics. When I put a beer on the counter and saw the clerk I realized that this part of Las Vegas was something special. The clerk was covered in Tattoos and it looked as though his nose holes might be pierced shut with quite the array of barbels and rings. This purchase complete we we gathered our courage and made it the last block back to SLS without incident. 

We’ve had enough and decided that this part of town was the wrong part of town. From now on I will only hang out on hotel properties and never try to see the “other” side of what Las Vegas has to offer. 

Its not even 7AM and I am awake in Las Vegas. This wasn't the result of a well planned good nights sleep, but the result of one (or 15) too many tequila shots in the early afternoon. When I woke up I needed to figure out where my life would be headed.

Downstairs I end up at the hotel gift shop making the purchase of 2 Gatorades and a small packet of ibuprofen. Maybe this would stop the herd of animals from stampeding though my brain stem. After I wrestle the package open and inhale its pill shaped contents I chug Gatorade number 1 and now I am faced with the question “what does one do before 8AM in Las Vegas”

Moving through the casino is like observing the sad bus stop before the rehab express rolls into town. Barely awake zombies clanking away at slot machines while the carpet sweeper drowns out this mornings classic rock selection on casino 101 radio. The cocktail waitress past her prime in the looks department is chatting up a pit boss and paying zero attention to her paid employment task. I guess there isn’t much requirement for a White Russian at this time of day, but she wouldn't care if there was.

Moving outside I a blasted with the feeling of opportunity because the strip is almost empty. There is a homeless man curled up by a potted plant with what looks to me an empty bottle of  transmission fluid from a Buick, or maybe its left over flavored vodka. Either way I hold my nose and soldier on. A runner sprints by which makes me a little angry. I feel like she is mocking me for being hungover and picking up her jogging pace to show me what a pathetic loser I am for being half cocked during a Vegas Sunrise.

I walk for about 25 minutes and settle in on a pavilion near a hockey stadium for a cup of coffee. There is a Mermaid statue thingie in view and people are slowly starting to filter by me as the pedestrian traffic increases. I am now where I should be, people watching in Vegas in the early morning hours. I decide to play the game “where are they from” which was easier than I thought.  Im hoping that when Americans go go other countries they don't wear T-shirts of our flag like this maple leaf wearing waste of Vegas Oxygen.

After an hour I realize that I am just wasting precious Vegas time and not getting enough done. With that passing thought my next decision was what eventually leads me to another wake up the following day. Video Poker at the hotel bar with a Bloody Mary until my friends wake up. Win or lose I realize that I just figured out what there is to do in Vegas before 8AM…….drink and gamble. 

Its early afternoon and I have been drinking for what seems to be a week straight with very little sleep. Im staying in Excalibur which for those who don't know is a giant castle full of chaos and fun. Today after many sleepless nights we found it to be a good idea to lay out by the pool and relax. All that really happened then was more alcohol being consumed only this time it was in the 115 heat. Great plan.

I had enough sound mind to head back to my room to shower away the feeling of booze, sweat, and shame to collect my thoughts and make a plan for the night. Post shower I am still in a dehydrated alcohol induced haze when my stomach makes a fierce noise. Whats the one thing I forgot to do over the last 12-15 hours? Eat. Now what.

I was not in the mood to spend more that 20 dollars on some swanky Vegas restaurant in the afternoon so I texted one of my friends back home for advice. The answer I got seemed perfect and after a quick google search on my phone saw that within the area of our hotel was an “In and Out Burger”. It seemed like a quick fix so I headed to ground level to navigate my way there.

In the distance I saw the sign behind our hotel and my first thought was “i can walk there with no problem”. And thats what I did. Fast forward 48 steps later in the Nevada desert heat and that is when I realized that this might have been a horrible idea. Still I track on until I hit my next obstacle…..going under a highway overpass with what looks to be a village of needle infested drug zombies. Head down and push through I thought. Thank god I wasn't raped or eaten as I darted through to my destination. 

I enter and realize that I am hungry enough to eat my shoe which is what made me order what is known as a “double double”. This double cheeseburger had enough meat on it to feed a small herd of goats for sure. I choked down the burger fries and of course the worst decision I made, the strawberry shake. Lets just say that while I ate this meal it seemed to be the greatest food choice in the history of man kind. Fast forward two hours and I thought different.

After walking outside I realize that I’ve tempted the Vegas gods enough for one day and got on my lyft app for a ride back to the hotel. 10 minutes and 4 dollars later I arrived back to my hotel just in time for my friends to get back to the room from the pool. I was asked what I thought we should do that night and I basically said I was up to do whatever…….after I spend some quality time in our bathroom. 

Was “The Great Burger Walk” worth it in the end? Yes, and Yes


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