I just left Vegas after a three-day bender with my best friend and am glad I can share this situation with someone. The night was going reasonably well with the usual Strip walk as the sun is setting. This has become almost like a tradition for me as I like the strip right before all the stupid Disney characters and homeless guitar players come out in force. Having only a few adult beverages up until this point I again stayed with my tradition of buying an over-price frozen drink and planting myself right in front of the Bellagio Fountain about eight minutes before the show starts. My buddy obliged me in this dumb tradition and then we made our way to the roller coaster at NY-NY.

Post roller coaster and ten dollars lighter (kind of worth it to do once), we were looking for a place to get properly liquored up. The sounds of St Patrick’s Day were echoing from the corner of the Casino which raised our attention. The smell of hot dogs loomed in the air as we approached and we then saw what looked to be a rowdy Irish Drinking bar complete with Live music and chaos. We were in!

After what must have been three hours of drinking crazy amounts of dark beer we were staggering around figuring out our next move. I decided that going downtown to mingle in the smaller properties would be our best bet. Next stop was the Uber line at the hotel.  We were met with two separate lines of people measuring into the hundreds as my fumbling buddy tried to figure out how to get a quick ride through this app (and he was failing at this task). I decided to wait in the regular taxi line in case it would move quicker than I thought which was clearly not the case. Defeated and hammered drunk my friend grabbed me and told me to follow him.

Further down the Atrium was a cheap looking black Limo with dark tints and a dent in the passenger side door. Before I knew it, my friend pulled on the back-door handle and it opened! I’m now in the back of a Limo that I clearly can’t afford. The driver with a raised tone says something to the effect of who are you guys and my buddy chimed up “I’m Dave, they know we are here waiting for them”. The driver literally said “Okay, they should only be a few more minutes”.  Who was “They”? And how the hell is this all happening? Vegas Baby.

Three minutes later a full our Kiss Cover Band complete with female companions and entourage come flying into the car. “Who the fuck are you guys?” was the first thing said. While I started, my apology confused routine my buddy told them we couldn’t get a car to take us downtown so we decided to jump in theirs. This honesty brought about a fit of laughter from at least six of these fraud rockers and one of them in a British accent then said “Cool you’re with us now, mate”.  As the car made a left turn onto the Vegas Strip we were watching as an over the hill Gene Simmons starts taking bumps of coke off of some girl’s metal clutch purse.

We did eventually get downtown…..We ended up outside of what looked to be a swinger sex club called the green door or something which is where my buddy and I parted ways with the rockers. Im sure that going into that club with the fake members of kiss and their 80s-hair sprayed entourage would have made a more epic ending to this story, but I think the fact that we got the limo ride was pretty fucking cool.



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