The sound of a street sweeper startled me as I slowly opened my eyes to the tragedy that has become the end of a crazy evening. Across from me sits a stereotypical homeless man stretched out on a piece of cardboard that once encased frozen McDonalds french fries. I gaze across the open field to some strange cement towers and realize that I didn’t make it back to my hotel the night before.

My last memory was in the Excalibur hotel at around 4AM. I took the remainder of my bankroll and then decided it wise to drip it on a roulette table full of overweight patrons. My luck has steadily declined it seems, and I needed to eat. A food court would be my salvation.

At this hour the only restaurant open was a Chinese food chain looking joint. One of those places that you can find in any suburban shopping mall has now become the grease infestation of my colon. Where did my friends go? At what point did I lose them? Belly full its was  time to stagger on my way to a future of Vegasy fun. That clearly didn’t happen.

It was early morning and I was fresh out of cash which is what lead me to want to walk back to my hotel in the first place. Staggering around the castle I remembered seeing those frozen drink machines behind some Tiki counter which seemed like a great idea at the time. The sweet looking blonde with ample bosom asked me if I would like a shot of what must be grain alcohol on top…..”of course I do” must have been what I muddled to this innocent mid western swill slinger.

Now its morning…..My wallet was still in my back pocket which was a shock although I had no more money left in it. The small stretch of cement that my new homeless friend and I spent an evening must have looked like a good place to rest on my death march back to my hotel. It was to be the greatest walk of shame that anyone has ever had in this god awful amazing vacationland for degenerates such as I. 

This is first and last time I will decide to walk home on a blackout in Las Vegas. I need meetings.  



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